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« More dining along side roads, Michele's on Main, Salem, VA | Main | Morning visitors and points on a compass »

January 21, 2006



From the NY Times Op-Ed
Op-Ed Contributor
Cowboys Are My Weakness

Published: January 1, 2006

SOMEBODY had to write this, and it might as well be me. I haven't seen
"Brokeback Mountain," nor do I have any intention of seeing it. In
fact, cowboys would have to lasso me, drag me into the theater and tie
me to the seat, and even then I would make every effort to close my
eyes and cover my ears.

And I love gay people. Hey, I've got gay acquaintances. Good
acquaintances, who know they can call me anytime if they had my phone
number. I'm for gay marriage, gay divorce, gay this and gay that. I
just don't want to watch two straight men, alone on the prairie, fall
in love and kiss and hug and hold hands and whatnot. That's all.

Is that so terrible? Does that mean I'm homophobic? And if I am, well,
then that's too bad. Because you can call me any name you want, but
I'm still not going to that movie.

To my surprise, I have some straight friends who've not only seen the
movie but liked it. "One of the best love stories ever," one gushed.
Another went on, "Oh, my God, you completely forget that it's two men.
You in particular will love it."

"Why me?"

"You just will, trust me."

But I don't trust him. If two cowboys, male icons who are 100 percent
all-man, can succumb, what chance to do I have, half- to a quarter of
a man, depending on whom I'm with at the time? I'm a very susceptible
person, easily influenced, a natural-born follower with no
sales-resistance. When I walk into a store, clerks wrestle one another
trying to get to me first. My wife won't let me watch infomercials
because of all the junk I've ordered that's now piled up in the
garage. My medicine cabinet is filled with vitamins and bald cures.

So who's to say I won't become enamored with the whole gay business?
Let's face it, there is some appeal there. I know I've always gotten
along great with men. I never once paced in my room rehearsing what to
say before asking a guy if he wanted to go to the movies. And I
generally don't pay for men, which of course is their most appealing

And gay guys always seem like they're having a great time. At the
Christmas party I went to, they were the only ones who sang. Boy that
looked like fun. I would love to sing, but this weighty,
self-conscious heterosexuality I'm saddled with won't permit it.

I just know if I saw that movie, the voice inside my head that
delights in torturing me would have a field day. "You like those
cowboys, don't you? They're kind of cute. Go ahead, admit it, they're
cute. You can't fool me, gay man. Go ahead, stop fighting it. You're
gay! You're gay!"

Not that there's anything wrong with it.

Larry David appears in the HBO series "Curb Your Enthusiasm."


How many posts in one day? Three?! And one the night before, too.

I guess you were right: the new job won't interfere with your blogging! Clearly, they're not keeping you nearly busy enough.

Hee hee.


Careful, my boss sometime visits my blog. I have to get all the words that were bottled up during the week out of me on the weekend.


My response to Larry David: There's no way you can be more impressionable than I am. I'm pretty much cult bait. Still, after 30 years of having to witness the sweating, heaving, and slobbering of heterosexual sex scenes in countless movies, I still haven't caught the straight bug. It's not that I don't recognize a hot woman (Rebecca Romijn and Gwyneth Paltrow are my favorites), but even with all the incentives to lean that way (and Lord knows I've tried - miserably), it just ain't happening. Still, a good love story IS a good love story, no matter what does or doesn't dangle between the stars' legs. Take it from one of the many who've had no choice (until Brokeback Mountain) BUT to be open minded. For you, it's one movie. For us, it's 99.9% of ALL movies. It's kind of like going slumming for you. A safe way to observe the exotic. Then, if you should happen to feel a flutter of recognition somewhere deep inside, don't sweat it. There's not enough time in the day to indulge every little flutter. How bisexuals do it is a mystery to me. Besides, a flutter doesn't mean you're gay, it just means you're probably way more proud of your "tolerance" than you really should be. So, curb your enthusiasm, Larry. It's just a couple of guys in love - nothing more, nothing less.


I was protected from the more graphic scenes.

Oh, you poor little punkin! Are you really that fragile that you can't watch two men together? We gay men must be more "real men" than you are, since we can sit through male-female contact without wretching and freaking out and thinking we need to be "protected" from such "graphic scenes".

I feel sorry for you.


Well I also protected my self from some graphic scenes in King Kong. Then again I don't like to see dogs hurt in movies either. Of course I spent ten years on a farm so it you want me to shoot a pig or steer and butcher it, I don't have a problem doing that. I'm also pretty good at cleaning fish, but I'm not sure any of those things prove anything other than I don't mind blood.

Somehow I have a hard time understanding how watching all of Brokeback Mountain proves anyone is more of a real man than any other man.

I have some very good friends who are gay. I not any more interested in seeing them have sex than I am watching my heterosexual friends have sex. Actually I think sex is better left as a private thing.

Which means I don't particularly enjoy watching sex at the movies, and it doesn't really matter who it's between.

But I especially don't enjoy mumbling cowboy movies. I'm glad you enjoyed the movie. Hey did you like "Finding Neverland?" I really enjoyed that movie.

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