Some Advice To My Children

This was first posted in 2005 about a year after my exit from the corporate world of Apple.  Certainly adjusting to life outside the cult of Apple has been challenging. For twenty years I bled rainbow colors.

The changes have been immense, but life away from Apple has given me time to explore lots of new things and a chance to stand back as I reordered the priorities in my life.  In doing so I have gleaned a few nuggets of wisdom from my journey that included being a Boy Scout in Lewisville, NC, four years at McCallie, a Presbyterian military school, my undergraduate years at Harvard, ten years of chasing cattle and an a nearly twenty-year career at Apple that saw me sitting in a hearing at the House of Representative on Cyber Security.

When it was first written I could have called it, "56 Thoughts from 56 Years" but I keep adding something every now and then. However, I have not come up with 70 thoughts to match my now 70 years so we will leave the title like it is. The order has more to do with how I think than anything.

1. Always do what is right no matter what the personal cost is.  You won't regret it.
2. Never shirk from standing up for others, a life where you care only about yourself is a hollow one.
3. Always do your job to the best of your ability.  Anything less is cheating yourself not your employer.
4. Leave every organization that you have been part of and every place that you visit, better for your having been there.
5. Expect the best of others only if you are willing and able to do the same in their position.
6. Try to never burn bridges, and always attempt to mend fences unless you have to give up your principles to do it.
7. Value people not for what they do or what they look like but for whom they are.
8. Not everyone has your specific skills, but everyone has skills to contribute to the success of the team.
9. The best teams are the ones where people are willing to whatever job that needs to be done, no matter what their job description.
10. Though this is listed as number ten, it is the one rule you must remember.  Your family is more important than your job which means give them your full attention every chance you get.
11. You will run into some really bad people, just don't let them force you into doing bad things. Don't be afraid to stand up to these folks especially if you can protect others.
12. You will run into people who gain your trust and then disappoint you either through lying or manipulation.  Don't let a few bad eggs destroy your faith in the rest of us.
13. Take the time to do things right the first time.  It ends up being more productive in the end.
14. Don't be afraid to learn from others. In fact when you get near someone who has more skills or knowledge than you, work at being a knowledge sponge.
15. Try not to make someone look bad in front of others if you have a problem with someone have a private conversation about it.
16. Speak the truth even if it hurts, but don't assign blame, you might not know the whole situation.  Sugar coating a situation will just come back to haunt you.
17. Try to have an open mind for new ideas especially when they come from others.
18. If at all possible build a consensus around important decisions, it's worth the effort and time.
19. Everyone makes mistakes, try to be tolerant and give people more than one chance.
20. When someone is obviously not capable of doing the job, be honest with them but help them find something which better matches their skills.  They will thank you for it.
21. Never ask someone to do something you're unwilling to do.
22. Remember to carry the water buckets when necessary and never be afraid to get your hands dirty helping others get their jobs done.
23. Never quit learning and trying new things especially if they make your job and that of others easier.
24. Hold yourself more accountable than those with whom you work. Never expose someone to blame when you can shelter them from the powers that be.
25. Deliver more than is expected of you and be happy with less than you expect from others.
26. Understand how much money you make or your title is not as real a measure of success as how you treat the people around you and the respect that they give you.
27. Know when the train has left the station. Be prepared to either be on it or find something else to do.
28. If you find yourself in a company that lies to customers or hides key information that employees need to do their jobs, find yourself a new job.
29. Respect the achievements of others even as you make certain you give credit to everyone who helps achieve a task before you take any credit.
30. Try to laugh at yourself occasionally.
31. Learn how to grow things.  Getting your hands dirty is good for the soul.
32. Learn how to build things.  Building things is better than tearing things down.
33. Go for a walk in the woods as often as you can and while there learn to appreciate the changing seasons, God's canopy of trees, and the quiet of nature.
34. Challenge yourself with new activities, that keep your body and mind moving.
35. Don't forget how to swim, you may need it someday.
36. Go camping just so you can appreciate your soft bed.
37. Don't trust anyone that mistreats animals.
38. Take the time to help others, especially family members achieve their dreams.
39. Take care of yourself, by taking the time to exercise and staying away from fast food.
40. Always be thinking about how you can improve your habits.
41. Learn to appreciate a good bottle of wine and/or a glass of beer.
42. Figure out how to cook a few things well, you won't regret it.
43. Clean up after yourself, no one enjoys being someone's maid.
44. Take good care of the things you have worked hard to obtain, someday you might not be able to afford a replacement.
45. Recycle things that can be recycled, throw away stuff you don't need, but keep all your good memories.
46. Experience the unconditional love of a dog, even if you have to borrow one.
47. Don't stop looking for someone with whom to share your life.  The pain and effort are worth it.
48. Figure out something you love to do. Learn to do it extremely well and with great passion.
49. Don't forget the others who have been part of your lives, stay in touch. Your life will be richer for those efforts.
50. Call home once in a while, we still want to be a tiny part of your lives.
51. Take the time to walk on an isolated beach if only to listen to the waves and dream of limitless possibilities.
52. Never try to be someone you aren't.
53. Try to never take your anger out on someone else, if you do, apologize as fast as possible which means don't go to bed mad.
54. Remember your loved ones at birthdays, anniversaries, and holiday times.  A phone call costs little more than your time.
55. When someone talks to you give them your full attention if at all possible.
56. Never forget your seat belt when you're in the car or your life jacket in a boat. You never know what might happen.
57. Do not be afraid to stand up for what you believe.
58. Respect history and learn from it.
59. Never let someone bully you or anyone else if you can stop them.
60. Speak out for those who cannot speak for themselves or who are being unjustly smeared.

I don't claim to be a perfect practitioner of all these, but I keep working at it.

Comments

[Sean]

Thanks for sharing these notes David. They are all good things to pass on to kids and others as well. It seems sometimes that the hardest years or times can yield the most clarity, at least that has been my experience.

[Mike Jones]

Great advice for kids as well as adults. Most all of these are things that I have also tried to practice in business and in my personal life over the years. The only thing I could add would be the Boy Scout Law, which I have also used to guide me through life. What a better world it would be if more people would embrace those twelve points to guide them through life. Thanks for sharing. Mike

[Joe Hafey]

Mr. Sobotta,

I have truly enjoyed reading your blog - especially your "56 thoughts for 56 years". Lots of good stuff there - particularly the point regarding family. Say hello to David and Katie for me. I hope that they are doing well and be sure to enjoy your retirement from Apple. I used to hear Apple stories in class from your kids when we unpacked our sparkling new IIgs... Now there's some history!

[Sherman Lewis]

David,

I've spent the past hour looking through your blog. Your pictures are wonderful and I really enjoyed your 56 thoughts. It reminds you of whats really important in life.

Thanks for all of your help

Sherman - former employee of yours