I actually think I learned one of the secrets to life when I was a young Boy Scout. It helped me go on to be a good leader in the business world. Whenever I managed to stray from it, I ended up on the rocks and having to reset things.
As I have gotten older, I have tried even harder to keep this rule close to me. It is pretty simple, you will go a lot farther in life if you try hard to find good in those people around you. Always finding fault is a good way to drive someone to failure.
If you help others succeed, their success will be the foundation of your own good fortune.
There are a lot of people today guilty of refusing to even listen to someone with a different view point. Their belief is that the only way that they can be successful is if someone else fails. While they think this is the way to get to the top of the mountain, it is more likely a way to wake up one day and find yourself alone in a deep valley.
Tearing others down to create your own success is actually faulty logic. When you beat someone else down, you are actually eating away at your own humanity. Eventually if you keep finding no good in anyone, you will find nothing to celebrate in your friends and family. Not only will no one follow, but people will actively avoid you.
Life is a whole lot easier if you practice what Denis Waitley calls the double win. If you win because of my efforts, then I have also won, and we have a double win.
As a leader if you find good in what your people do, it is a lot easier to address performance issues when people do have real problems. It is even easier to move people out of a particular job when you have their best interests at heart. If you have practiced the double win, they know by your previous behavior that you want them to do well.
Finding good in others often starts at home, you have to find good in yourself and your background. You have to believe in yourself, but also you must trust others to help you grow. When we are young, we often run as hard as we can to distance ourselves from our family or the town where we were born. It is part of growing up.
The first day you go away to school is likely not the first time that you worry that others might make fun of you. Over time you have a choice on how you respond to criticism. You can attack back or figure out how to grow beyond it.
When you have matured to the point that you can be proud of your family and where you have come from, then it is a whole lot easier to be proud of the contributions of others and of your own self worth.
I took pride in creating a team at Apple where people of varying abilities and strengths could be more successful together by helping each other than they could be by just working for themselves. Not everyone fit in such an environment because it requires trust and transparency.
You have to be upfront about what you can do, and if you promise to deliver something, you have to stick to your word.
I really feel sad when I see a politician or even someone writing online who can only justify their existence by trying to tear down someone else.
Those who can see no good in others end up turning off most people and get to live with their own toxic opinions.
One of the things that I have learned in life is that what you do has little to do with what kind of person you are. There are plenty of good and honorable used car salesmen out there in the world.
I recently had an online exchange with someone who obviously hates all Realtors®. Just as I know someone who put his three daughters through college by selling used cars in a small community, I also know Realtors® who have survived purely on their personal reputation for honesty.
Think about it, our used car salesman finds you a car at a reasonable price that ends up being a very good car for you. Only then is he likely to sell you another one or sell another vehicle to one of your friends. If he does not do a good job for his clients, just how long will he last in a small town?
It is the same for Realtors®, it you do not do a good job for your clients, you will get no referrals, and in real estate, referrals are a lifeline you cannot afford to ignore.
Finding good in others does not mean there are no disagreements in life, it just means that you need to respect the person even when you disagree with their opinions.
Check out this good example of how not to win friends and influence people.
Life is a lot more fun if you make a few friends a long the way. You do not have to be soft or lack toughness to do that. Any employee who worked for me will verify my reputation for toughness and fairness.
That beach is a lot less lonely with two people instead of one. It is a lot easier to have someone walking by your side if you know how to find good in everyone.
Do not forget to also bring home this philosophy. The greatest gift that you can give to your partner in life is to praise their abilities and to ignore their weaknesses.
If you want a strong partner, the best way to get one is to find praise even when it is hard to find.
